I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
