I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pants are for mortals
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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