bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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