Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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