yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
