Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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