My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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