yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if only i could text you this smell
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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