I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
its liver damage thursday
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
