areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
