Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
