You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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