His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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