I looked at my own cervix.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize