yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
