I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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