Christians are straight up FREAKS
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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