It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
