is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
