I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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