Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
