The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
