I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it's like iHOP with fire
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
