Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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