So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
