You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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