Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize