I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
