Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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