piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
