it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
