Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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