found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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