i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
