I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
