i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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