i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
