So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
