giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
