Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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