I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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