I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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