I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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