what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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