Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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