So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
