I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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