I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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