i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
