If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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