proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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