Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We just shotgunned beers for America
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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