we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked