Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
