god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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