I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
