And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
