I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
