Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
