The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
