And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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