I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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