you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
