so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
