My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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