none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
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I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize