I bet he comes in French.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I want is dick and wine.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
