If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
