Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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