he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
