how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
