i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
