I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hippo gnu deer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
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why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize