i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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