why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
