yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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