You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
