im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He felt like a one man threesome
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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