My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
