In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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