So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
