Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
